My Cat Is In Heat

My cat is in heat.

MY! CAT! IS! IN! HEAT!

The whole place reeks and I haven’t a wink for weeks.

She’s not my furry friend right now; she’s just a seedy creep.

Oh Christ! Where’d she go this time?

Shagging my shoes probably, or screaming off the balcony.

Quick! Close that door- she’s headed for the laundry!

She won’t shut up! Is there any more wine?

Maybe we could make some sort of gag from a ball of twine?

Damn! She tried to wake me up by pissing on my head.

If I weren’t such a pussy, little Bastet would be dead.

My cat is in heat, but then it’s through no fault of hers.

If she were her she’d rather hop up here and have a purr.

When will this be over? Where the hell’s my pet?

Indoor cat or not, she’s going out to meet the V.E.T.